[00:00:00] Maggie: Hello, everybody. Happy May. I love just kind of going based off of what's coming up a lot with you guys and what I'm coaching on a lot and what [00:00:10] I'm seeing a lot in the Facebook group and thinking about it and trying to figure out how I can help you be more successful this month. We're moving into the [00:00:20] summer, you know, then we're going to be moving into the second half of the year.

[00:00:24] Maggie: And What's been coming up a lot is emotions and [00:00:30] emotional eating and how to manage that. And so this month, I wanted to just challenge you to focus more on curiosity. [00:00:40] Just invite curiosity. And there's a reason why I have a worksheet called the Curiosity Worksheet, and it's used after Overeat to figure out.

[00:00:47] Maggie: What happened? What's going on? But not [00:00:50] from a judgmental place, not from a place to beat yourself up, but from a place to truly understand what is happening. Because the problem isn't you. There is just thoughts and [00:01:00] feelings that are driving the overeating. That's it. And we just have to figure out what those are.

[00:01:04] Maggie: And then we have to make some plans to try one new thing and see if that thing works. [00:01:10] So your brain has a resistance to allowing your emotions to be there. It doesn't want to, it wants to, it wants to use food. [00:01:20] So I want you to consider this month having an emotional regulation plan and pairing that with a thought plan, which what does that mean?

[00:01:28] Maggie: When you boil it down, it means we're going [00:01:30] to have a plan for how we are going to manage our emotional state, how we are feeling in our body. And we're going to pair that with what we are going to choose to think [00:01:40] on purpose. You are probably familiar with some of your patterns. Maybe you're not. Maybe you're brand new and you're just getting started with figuring out, okay, what, what's happening here?

[00:01:49] Maggie: And you're going to [00:01:50] gain a lot of insight, but you're going to need both of those tools. You're going to need to know what how to regulate things so that you can decide what you're going to think. And [00:02:00] emotional regulation often has to come first, because if your body is too activated, you won't have access to your rational mind.

[00:02:07] Maggie: So we're talking like emotional [00:02:10] reactions. nervous system responses, feeling like you want to argue and fight or feeling like you want to run away [00:02:20] and flee or you are feeling like you are just shut down and you can't get going and you feel like you're frozen. Okay, know those [00:02:30] responses that you have. A lot of us are eating from a place of anxiety.

[00:02:33] Maggie: A lot of us are eating from anger. I've seen posts like varying from all [00:02:40] different. All different types of scenarios, but the, but if you dig deep, the baseline is, I was so angry after that long day at work, or I was just [00:02:50] so uncomfortable with my end of the day and feeling like I needed to keep busy, or I needed to relax, I needed to unwind.

[00:02:57] Maggie: We are using food [00:03:00] to solve for emotional dysregulation. And when our body and our emotions and our nervous systems are too dysregulated, we cannot just be like, [00:03:10] what do you want the most? What do you, what is future you want? We don't have access to that. So if you're struggling with that part, because it's not that I don't teach that part, it's just that often [00:03:20] that part can't come first.

[00:03:22] Maggie: If your body is too dysregulated. into stressed out of a state. And so many of us, we're living in chronic, chronically stressed out [00:03:30] bodies and lives. And we have to find a way to create that peace within ourselves so that we stop using food to do that. So if you're looking for a way to enhance your vibe [00:03:40] club practice and maybe a focus that you're looking for, This is optional, but I would recommend going through the urges lesson in the weight loss course.

[00:03:47] Maggie: So this is module two, lesson three, [00:03:50] and that is where I address some nervous system techniques. With everything, I want you to know if there's something that resonates, go deeper with it, take it deeper, use Google, [00:04:00] follow people on Instagram, ask for recommendations. I'm happy to give them, um, because There are so many people that are experts in this.

[00:04:07] Maggie: And what I want to teach you in vibe club is a basic [00:04:10] understanding. Listen, if my body is too stressed out, I can't choose my thoughts on purpose. My thoughts are going to be chosen by the state of my nervous system. I'm going to [00:04:20] feel like I'm freaking out in my body. And so I'm going to make thoughts to attach to that because my body is feeling that lack of safety.

[00:04:26] Maggie: So if you want to hear the way that I teach it, go to the urges lesson, [00:04:30] review that. and review the emotional regulation toolkit. You know, the things that you can do, which again, I speak about those within that video. You know, the four sided [00:04:40] breath, shaking your body out. We just had, I just had a client that used that the other day, was feeling a big urge, shook her body out for 90 seconds and said it was completely gone.[00:04:50]

[00:04:50] Maggie: I know it can feel weird. And yet at the same time, I was, I heard something, something on Instagram or somewhere where it was addressing how kids [00:05:00] naturally Try to regulate their nervous systems like the way that they will scream or they will growl or they will just do crazy stuff with their bodies and then as we [00:05:10] get older, we just stop doing that and we feel like that's not appropriate or that feels weird or and I'm not saying start shaking your whole body out in the middle of your office, right?

[00:05:18] Maggie: I'm just saying like we [00:05:20] know how to do these things when we're younger. to discharge that energy. And then as we get older, we're just like, we just stuff it and stuff it and stuff it until it explodes in whatever way it [00:05:30] does. Whatever your personal way of discharging that energy is. Is it by screaming?

[00:05:34] Maggie: Is it by eating? Is it by staying constantly busy and overworking? Like you [00:05:40] need to know those things about yourself. Those are the things that we're eating over. Once you've started practicing those tools, which I recommend doing when you're not in the heat [00:05:50] of. that emotional response, aka what I'm trying to say is start practicing these things in moments where you're [00:06:00] not emotionally triggered.

[00:06:04] Maggie: You can do it in the morning. You can be like, okay, I'm going to practice taking some four sided breaths. I'm going to shake out my body. Maybe I'm not feeling [00:06:10] super anxious right now, but I'm just going to do it. You want to have those tools practiced so that you can use them in the moment. That's just a recommendation that I have.

[00:06:17] Maggie: But once your body has calmed down a little bit, You [00:06:20] will have to have that conversation with your default thinking and that's where making a thought plan comes in. You have to choose like, what am I going to think? [00:06:30] What thoughts are going to come up? And what am I going to say back to them? You have to know what your default is.

[00:06:35] Maggie: I've had a really long day. It just doesn't really matter what I do. [00:06:40] I'm never going to get this. I'm never going to lose my weight. So we'll just try again tomorrow. And you keep waking up in that cycle of regret, and then recommitment, and [00:06:50] then willpowering yourself, and then feeling a little bit weak, and then quitting, and then recommitting, and then like that cycle, you're probably sick of it.

[00:06:59] Maggie: So [00:07:00] instead of being surprised by that cycle, by that cycle. I want you to ask yourself, what are my go to's? What are the thoughts that are going to come up? And what, what do I want to [00:07:10] say back to them? I really encourage you, if you have not caught the replays of recent coaching calls, we've been talking about this a lot.

[00:07:17] Maggie: There are always two conversations going on. There's [00:07:20] probably more than two, but I want to break it down into like, there's one conversation that is arguing and negotiating for who you have been. For your [00:07:30] history, for what you've done in the past, that's one version and that's going to be the one your brain brings up.

[00:07:34] Maggie: My brain will normally bring that one up first, despite the fact that the other one is, is very well practiced. [00:07:40] I, the bullshit comes up first and I'm like, oh, yeah, no, we're not going to follow that. And I have to redirect my brain and I've, I've been working at this for a really long time. I've put a lot of time.[00:07:50]

[00:07:50] Maggie: into this and creating new thinking. But that's what's going to come up first. And you need to know what your go tos are. And if you use the curiosity worksheet, you will start to notice what those [00:08:00] thoughts and feelings are. How are you normally feeling when you overeat? What are you normally saying to yourself to justify, excuse, rationalize?

[00:08:08] Maggie: Eating, [00:08:10] instead of sitting and being with the way that you're feeling and allowing it to be there. So get familiar with what those thoughts are that are going to come up and what you're going to say [00:08:20] back. This is something I shared in the Facebook group that I want to share here as well so that everybody can find a way to make it work for them.

[00:08:27] Maggie: Because one of my favorite things to ask lately is, [00:08:30] what if this isn't as bad as I think? And I ask that question because we aren't allowing our emotions to be there. We're eating [00:08:40] instead because we believe that feeling the emotion, feeling restless, feeling bored, feeling angry, is going to be so much worse [00:08:50] than if I just eat to solve this.

[00:08:52] Maggie: Eating feels like a better option, but then we know based on waking up, based on, you know, not being able to lose weight, based on those [00:09:00] things that like, that's not what we actually want. But in the moment, your brain is breaking it down and it's saying, no, we are not going to feel bad. We're going to eat instead.

[00:09:09] Maggie: And we've [00:09:10] practiced that a lot. So it's become the default. So I asked myself, what if this isn't as bad as I think? Again, slipping into curiosity, just being like, [00:09:20] what literally like, what if it's not as bad as I think it's going to be? What if this thing that I am running from, is not that bad. It [00:09:30] just opens you up because your brain is like, no, no, no, alarm.

[00:09:33] Maggie: This is terrible. It's going to be so bad. We need to get a snack. And then we bring in this [00:09:40] curiosity, like, what if it's not? What if it isn't that bad? What if this thing that used to be helpful, emotional eating at a time in my life, because things were really [00:09:50] painful and I wasn't in charge and I didn't get a say, What if this mechanism that I use, it's not [00:10:00] doing what it used to do, it's not helpful in the way that it used to be helpful.

[00:10:04] Maggie: What if I can totally handle it? Because I'm an adult now, and, and I [00:10:10] do have a say, and I do know what I want, and I do have a voice, and I can use that voice even if it's just talking back to my own self. Let's just see. I like to get [00:10:20] really curious, like, let's just see how it goes when I don't eat to solve this.

[00:10:25] Maggie: How much evidence do you have? How much experience do you have not [00:10:30] eating to solve for discomfort? My guess, if you're here in Vibe Club, is that you don't have that much of it. You don't have this big, You know, [00:10:40] group of evidence that is like all of these times I felt my feelings instead of eight. So it's going to be a new experience.

[00:10:49] Maggie: Let's [00:10:50] just see how it goes when I don't eat to solve this problem. Because guess what? We can always go back to eating. Like, let's say you try it on and you're like, Hey, we're just going to see what happens if I [00:11:00] just feel wound up right now, just feel wound up. I just feel bored. I feel super restless.

[00:11:09] Maggie: [00:11:10] What if I just felt those things just for, just for this one time and I didn't get a snack to quiet the voice, to dampen the vibration in my [00:11:20] body, to, to buffer against this emotion. If we hate it, we can always go back to eating if that's what I really want. Let's just try it as a [00:11:30] fun new experiment. And that is what helps me bring curiosity into the equation.

[00:11:34] Maggie: And when I give myself that chance, it is never as bad as [00:11:40] I thought it was going to be. It always surprises me because you will always get to a point where you're over that hump. You'll get to a point where like, it's time for [00:11:50] bed or it's time for the next activity. There's just life moves on. We feel like this, this discomfort is so uncomfortable.

[00:11:56] Maggie: I'm never going to be able to escape it. It's never going to end. And [00:12:00] I must stop it immediately and I'm going to do that. with s'mores mix from Costco. I'm going to do that. And you know what? Temporarily, it might help you regulate. It might calm things down. It might [00:12:10] quiet the voice in your head. It might stop that chatter.

[00:12:13] Maggie: But on the other end of that is something that you don't want. And the only way you're going to find out what else is available to you is if you try [00:12:20] something new. And the easiest way to try something new is to do it without pressure and to do it instead with curiosity. What if I'm wrong? What if I can handle it?

[00:12:29] Maggie: What if it's not as [00:12:30] bad as I thought it would be? the payoff when you allow those emotions to just be there. Because I'm not, like, in this specific [00:12:40] podcast, I'm not trying to talk to you about how to, like, make it go away and to, like, get busy and to go take a bubble bath. Like, sometimes part of this work is going to be, like, what is my [00:12:50] capacity to sit with this, the discomfort here?

[00:12:52] Maggie: without food. You always have the option to do other things. I'm not just saying like go meditate when you're just feeling terrible. You will be [00:13:00] able to come up with the things that help whether it's taking a walk, taking a bath, coloring, going outside, walking your dog, watching a show. Like that's not what we're talking about in this.

[00:13:09] Maggie: It's talking about the [00:13:10] fact that there are going to be some days where you're not super skilled and you're not able to make that feeling go away and you just have to kind of lean into it and see what it's like [00:13:20] when you just allow it to be there without getting food. And when you're able to do that, the payoff is huge.

[00:13:28] Maggie: Because you start developing [00:13:30] that self trust. You start developing the belief that this is this thing I've been running from. This feeling in my body is not as bad as I thought it would be. [00:13:40] That doesn't mean it's not uncomfortable. That doesn't mean you would choose to feel it for fun. It just means that, okay, yeah, I can, and this is where you can move into the feeling the [00:13:50] feels lesson within module two, which is just like, yeah, it feels like a tightness in my chest.

[00:13:54] Maggie: It feels like my ears are getting a little warm. It feels like, you know, my throat is tightening up a little bit because [00:14:00] that's what we're running from. It's like this really gross feeling discomfort inside of our body that we're like, I refuse to feel this. The fact is that your [00:14:10] brain believes that the safest option is to eat.

[00:14:12] Maggie: It thinks that you are in danger. You have to practice creating that safety. within your body and showing your [00:14:20] brain and your body that it's okay, that you're okay, that you're safe, that you're not in danger, that this feeling of restlessness where you feel like you need to run away. [00:14:30] Again, another one of those responses within your body is not, you know, warranted based on the scenario that you're in.

[00:14:39] Maggie: Like, [00:14:40] I'm in my home, I'm in my living room, I'm sitting on my couch, I'm not in danger. This feeling feels like I'm in danger in my body, but I'm safe. It's safe to [00:14:50] relax. You have to practice creating that safety. The problem, though, is that you're not going to believe that yet. Your brain, it's going to [00:15:00] feel like autopilot.

[00:15:01] Maggie: It's going to feel like this well worn practice path of like, I'm so stressed out for my day. I just want to relax. I can't just sit here with this feeling and I'm going to eat. [00:15:10] That's what's normal. The first step is going to be working to believe it, and that requires checking under the bed for the monster.[00:15:20]

[00:15:21] Maggie: You know what I mean? Like, can you just see? Can you just put the scary thinking aside and talk to yourself like you would a child? [00:15:30] I just like that visual of like, your body is just. It's doing its best, and it's, it thinks that it's protecting you, it thinks that it's keeping you safe, it thinks that [00:15:40] it's preventing you from hurting, and it's just interpreting any uncomfortable emotion as pain that we want to avoid.

[00:15:48] Maggie: And so it helps you avoid [00:15:50] it, and your main way of avoiding it is Over eating, if you're here and I'm sure you have other ways of avoiding it too. We all kind of have a list of the ways that we avoid discomfort. But [00:16:00] when you consider a kid, you know, being scared of something, that's the way you would talk to them.

[00:16:06] Maggie: It would just be like, yeah, let's just go see. No problem. I'm going to walk with you and we're going to. [00:16:10] So I'm going to show you that it's okay, I'm not going to just tell you like, stop it, you're being ridiculous. There's no monster, monsters don't exist, like you wouldn't do that, or maybe [00:16:20] you would as a default.

[00:16:21] Maggie: But if you really thought about it, like, okay, I need to help my kid like feel that safety. I'm going to hold your hand. I'm going to walk in there. We're going to check together. I'm going to hold you. I'm going to hug you. I'm going to [00:16:30] tell you it's all right. And I'm going to show you that it's okay and that you're safe and there's nothing to be afraid of.

[00:16:36] Maggie: We have that scary thinking about. our [00:16:40] emotions and about giving up the habit of overeating as one of the main ways that we solve for emotional discomfort. So that [00:16:50] can be helpful in my mind, like, Yeah, my, technically inside my body is kind of like a scared child. And I have kids, and I know what it's like [00:17:00] when they are really scared.

[00:17:01] Maggie: My daughter is terrified of bugs. She is terrified, flies, spiders, I don't even know where it even came from. And [00:17:10] so calming her, it, it takes a little bit of work. You know, she doesn't quite believe me that these little tiny bugs are not out to, to to get her [00:17:20] and I have to speak to her calmly. I have to remind her that we're outside.

[00:17:23] Maggie: That's where the bugs live. Like, they don't want to hurt you. They just want to fly around. Like, you're not in danger. And I [00:17:30] like to consider that there's one of those little three year olds inside of me too. And sometimes I have to be like, yeah, it's okay. I know it is scary. It, it does, it doesn't feel [00:17:40] super comfortable, but like, maybe it's not as bad as we think it's going to be.

[00:17:43] Maggie: And the comfort mixed with the, And if you hate it, you know, we don't have to do it again. And [00:17:50] everything you would do if you were trying to comfort a child while also helping them know that like, exploring this could be really good for you. It could be really [00:18:00] exciting. You could discover something about yourself you didn't know.

[00:18:02] Maggie: You might gain more confidence. And that's what you're trying to do with yourself as an adult who is trying to not use overeating as the main [00:18:10] mechanism for emotional discomfort. And the last thing that you can do, aside from that emotional regulation and making a thought plan, is visualizing. You can spend some [00:18:20] time visualizing, how do I want this to go?

[00:18:23] Maggie: Again, this is going to require that you are semi familiar or that you're starting to get familiar with your trouble spots. Is it from 3 to [00:18:30] 7 p. m.? Is it after lunchtime? Is it in the morning at 10 a. m.? You know what it is for you. You know what it normally looks like. You can get familiar with the thoughts and the feelings that you are [00:18:40] normally thinking and feeling in your body that drive you to go grab a snack, to overeat, to keep eating, to stop at the drive thru.

[00:18:47] Maggie: You need to get familiar with what those scenarios look [00:18:50] like, like if you had a camera in the room. And visualizing, how do I want this to play out? I know how it normally goes. Where is a part within this whole [00:19:00] process where I can interrupt that pattern? I have to do that all the time. I see what my brain is naturally doing.

[00:19:06] Maggie: I don't want to follow this through. And I know that in [00:19:10] order to do that, I have to shake up the stimuli. I have to shake up what I'm looking at, what I'm doing, so that I can say, Nope, we're not doing that same thing where we just end up walking upstairs to our bedroom [00:19:20] with a bag of chips, plopping our butt on our bed, eating chips and scrolling TikTok.

[00:19:24] Maggie: I see where you're going here. I know that's what we normally do. But we're not going to do that. So I'm not [00:19:30] going to take the chips upstairs. I'm not like, I just, it's really easy to interrupt those patterns. And sometimes the way that you can identify ways that you could [00:19:40] interrupt it is visualizing. So I just gave you a good example of, I know where this normally goes.

[00:19:45] Maggie: I know what I normally do. What could I do instead and [00:19:50] kind of seeing it play out in your mind before you even implement the tools in real life But also make sure you're balancing the inner work with the outer work Make sure you're balancing the the journaling and the [00:20:00] thought work with the literally using emotional regulation techniques Doing new things the thinking with the doing We have to do those both in a [00:20:10] more balanced way because we can get caught on either side of that seesaw doing all the things or thinking about doing all the things and like digging into our thoughts that [00:20:20] can get too much so that we're really unbalanced in that way.

[00:20:23] Maggie: Identify your trouble spots. Ask yourself, how do I want to feel when I get to bed? Ask yourself, how do I want to feel when [00:20:30] I wake up in the morning? Bring that into your mind when you are in the moment. So you can do that visualization ahead of time so that you can bring that into the moment. [00:20:40] Because I'm telling you, a lot of us, the way we overeat is like Groundhog Day.

[00:20:44] Maggie: Like, we are doing it in the same order, based on the same triggers, [00:20:50] based on the same Emotional responses, it's all there and you're in a very special place being in Vibe Club because most people aren't thinking about their thinking. Most [00:21:00] people aren't digging into their nervous system responses. Most people aren't doing this work, which is why they're so confused.

[00:21:06] Maggie: It's all there. We just have to look for it. And that's my job as a coach is to [00:21:10] help you see where you can find it. So ask yourself. Just for the next 30 days, can I breathe into the discomfort a little bit more? [00:21:20] Because at the end of the day, you can't strategize your way out. We're always looking for like the next thing that's gonna make it.

[00:21:27] Maggie: It's not strategizing our way [00:21:30] out and finding the right thing to do. We really have to learn how to sink into our bodies and breathe. You have to combine the thought and [00:21:40] feeling tools. You have to use both of those. So don't get too caught up on obsessing about your thoughts where you're completely ignoring that your body is freaking the hell out.

[00:21:47] Maggie: I, when I got my eyebrow, my [00:21:50] eyebrows microbladed last week and I couldn't believe, and I know better because I had a natural birth, right? So I did all the hypnobirthing [00:22:00] and all that stuff. I think that was what it was called. And so I know that what happens is when you're feeling pain and you tighten up to it, which we talk about in the urges lesson too, when you resist it, when you fight [00:22:10] against it, when you hold your breath, when you clench your body up, it makes the pain worse.

[00:22:15] Maggie: And so I'm like getting my eyebrows microbladed and remembering how much it helps [00:22:20] to breathe and realizing that I need to breathe and I need to relax and I need to know that it's going to pass. And it was such a good reminder of the way that I was grabbing my hands [00:22:30] together and every, every muscle in my body was tightening up.

[00:22:33] Maggie: My body was having a reaction to that pain. Now this is physical pain, but emotional pain kind of works the same way when we resist it and we [00:22:40] fight against it and we tighten up to it and we. Constrict, it hurts more. It's more uncomfortable. And [00:22:50] breathing and those, those basic things that you just don't even think to do in the moment are so helpful that I have to do that sometimes.

[00:22:58] Maggie: Sometimes I have these emotional [00:23:00] reactions that I want to eat to. And I just start seeing, like, how deep I can make my breath. And it's something that I can take with me everywhere. It's something that calms my system down so that I can make [00:23:10] an intentional choice. It gives me the pause. It gives me the space.

[00:23:14] Maggie: I just need space to make a choice here. I don't want to react from my default. It doesn't work well for [00:23:20] me. Okay, so I hope that that gives you a little bit of something to, to invite into your month, a little something to focus on. How do I get more curious? How do I [00:23:30] breathe into this? How do I get better at feeling instead of eating?

[00:23:33] Maggie: How do I just question if maybe this isn't as bad as I think it will be? Because what I have learned from [00:23:40] myself and what I have learned from coaching hundreds, if not thousands of people at this point, is that You need to breathe [00:23:50] into what you're feeling. You need to get better at being with your emotions.

[00:23:55] Maggie: And what you will find is that it is not as bad as you thought it was going [00:24:00] to be. I have heard that again and again and again, and I've experienced it by myself. Like I look back and I'm like, yeah, it was. It was wonky. It did not feel [00:24:10] good, but I was fine. That's what I've been running from. Those sensations in my body, like I can handle those, but you don't get that [00:24:20] confidence until you practice and you see that's not as bad as I thought it would be.

[00:24:26] Maggie: I can handle that, and if I can handle it now, I can handle it next time, and then you get so much [00:24:30] better at handling it instead of putting food in your mouth, okay? I hope you guys have an amazing May, and I'll talk to you soon. Bye, [00:24:40] everyone.

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