[00:00:00] Maggie: Hello,[00:00:10]

[00:00:15] Maggie: everybody. Welcome to the podcast. I am recording this from [00:00:20] my bed in Oceanside. We are away for a week long trip and I didn't record in advance, but luckily I have a mic with me and I'm [00:00:30] glad that it turned out this way because I get to kind of, you know, talk from a place of where I'm at right now because we do travel a lot and I get [00:00:40] DMs all the time from people.

[00:00:42] Maggie: thanking me for addressing how the nervous system contributes to overeating. I think when we look back [00:00:50] and we notice the times in which we are overeating, we have to also realize the state that our body is in when we feel like we [00:01:00] need to eat to make things feel better, aka to eat to regulate and vacations.

[00:01:07] Maggie: are one of the biggest times when I felt like I needed to eat to [00:01:10] regulate. And what I coach my clients on very often are social events where there's like this social [00:01:20] anxiety and other people are eating and I'm done and it just feels uncomfortable. Like these, these times when we are in these environments that perhaps are [00:01:30] not super familiar to us, aren't.

[00:01:33] Maggie: situations that we're in all of the time, and we notice that our system is really activated. And old habits come [00:01:40] up. And old habits came up for me. Binge eating used to be a given for traveling. It was like, now remember in my normal life I was always overeating. I [00:01:50] just never knew when enough was enough. I just thought that enough meant you couldn't eat anymore.

[00:01:56] Maggie: So it made sense why I had excess weight, because I was overeating all the time. But [00:02:00] binge eating was something that happened specifically on vacations, and I know why it is now. It's, I was so overstimulated and stressed out about [00:02:10] being out of my routine, which my routine does give me this level of comfort that I, I rely on.

[00:02:15] Maggie: I think routines can be helpful in that way. But because I was out of that, and then you throw [00:02:20] kids into the mix, throw, in traveling with kids, and my system was just, it would just get fried, like pretty instantly, even if things around me weren't chaotic, [00:02:30] my brain, things felt very chaotic, so, as you know, as I've spoken about a lot, binging isn't something that I do anymore, I'm actually, it's been one year, [00:02:40] since my last binge.

[00:02:41] Maggie: And that, there was kind of a lot that came into play with that decision, like, or with that, I don't know what's the word I'm looking for, but with that [00:02:50] happening, like, not having that issue anymore. And, you know, stopping keto was the final nail in that coffin, I think, with the last thing that I needed to do, because it was happening very [00:03:00] infrequently, but it was happening, and it was happening, you know, sometimes on trips, so.

[00:03:04] Maggie: But what you need to expect is that your default thoughts and feelings are going to naturally come up. [00:03:10] The binging made sense. And if you struggle with that too, it makes sense for you too. It all makes sense. I was overeating or binging because of my nervous system. My [00:03:20] sympathetic nervous system was activated.

[00:03:21] Maggie: My fight or flight was on high alert. I was feeling this anxious energy and I was using food to regulate. So on this trip, I noticed it was [00:03:30] getting activated and it was getting activated long before this trip. I felt so much anxiety leading up to it. I haven't traveled with my kids in a while. However, I have traveled a lot.

[00:03:39] Maggie: Traveling with [00:03:40] kids is a challenge, but traveling without them is too. I feel anxious regardless. Either we're leaving our kids, you know, with a babysitter while we're going to be gone, normally like max three days, [00:03:50] or we're traveling with them. And my system is just like freaking out. Something happened when I had kids.

[00:03:57] Maggie: Okay, and I saw, I heard this really good TikTok the other [00:04:00] day that basically talked about how, this was specific to ADHD, but she basically said there are so many, you know, women getting diagnosed with [00:04:10] ADHD later on in life because something about having kids, your workarounds stop working. So for me, when I had my kids, that's what brought up, um, [00:04:20] Yes, ADHD was an issue, but like the trauma stuff that I had kind of found a way to work around and like live my life without dealing with, all of those workarounds stopped working as soon as I had [00:04:30] kids.

[00:04:30] Maggie: And so yes, I had really bad postpartum anxiety and depression, but really my nervous system was just like, Whoa, what is this overstimulation? We cannot handle it. And I got stuck [00:04:40] in that state even more so than I had been for the rest of my life because everything was uncertain. So the anxiety started building up.

[00:04:49] Maggie: Leading up to [00:04:50] this trip and my brain was focusing on the danger versus focusing on the safety. It was focusing on what could go wrong instead of what could go right. [00:05:00] And then, you know, after we had been here for a day and I got a text from my husband, Maude has been up since 3. 30. My brain was like, there it is.

[00:05:08] Maggie: We shouldn't have done this. [00:05:10] This wasn't a good idea. I'm never going to do this again. She's not going to sleep. She's going to scream the whole, like, that is exactly the path that my brain went down. And I'm using this as an example, because there are going to be [00:05:20] places in your life that you relate to this, where you're like, my system gets Put on overdrive.

[00:05:25] Maggie: And it could be because of work. It could be because of your kids, it could be because of [00:05:30] socializing and feeling that social anxiety, but your, your body goes into this state of alarm and food can help regulate [00:05:40] that. And we, a lot of the time we're overeating to regulate it. But it's true that satiation is a signal of safety to your brain.

[00:05:49] Maggie: [00:05:50] And so I think sometimes we overdo that. And so many of us have used overeating as a way to. deal with overwhelm. So if you can't find a way to calm your body, it's going to just run its [00:06:00] normal program. And my normal program is routines are better. It's safer to be at home with my kids than it is to be traveling with them.

[00:06:08] Maggie: I'm going to regret [00:06:10] this. We shouldn't do it. Like it's looking for something specific. Oh my god, we are out of our routine, no one is going to sleep, everyone is going to be screaming, this was a mistake, I'm never going to do this again. [00:06:20] Then, eat for comfort. And maybe yours is, oh my god, my boss is mad at me, I can't do anything right, I'm terrible at my job, I'm gonna get fired, what's the point in even trying?

[00:06:29] Maggie: [00:06:30] And then you eat for comfort. So the cool thing though, is that we have this ability to interrupt that pattern. I think that's so cool because I can [00:06:40] still have all those thoughts, all those thoughts about like, Oh my God, why was she up at 3. 30? This is not going to be good. We're going to have to, you know, all of those thoughts.

[00:06:49] Maggie: And [00:06:50] then when we get to the point where I get to take action, instead of taking the action of eating for comfort, I can take different actions. I can have [00:07:00] all those thoughts before and interrupt the part where I take the action of overeating. And so for me, I need to find ways to calm myself. I need to find ways to identify that this doesn't [00:07:10] necessarily mean that, because my brain is saying, your kid woke up early, now that means, and it's made up this story based on the past, based on what I'm afraid of.

[00:07:19] Maggie: And I'm able to [00:07:20] say, yeah, she woke up early and she might, all of this like lack of sleep will probably catch up with her. Just because she woke up early doesn't mean she's going to [00:07:30] be screaming all day. And, you know, like, creating that safety for myself so that I can show up in my life differently. It would be cool if I didn't have those thoughts.

[00:07:39] Maggie: Like, it would [00:07:40] be so cool. But so far, that's not what has happened. My brain wants to highlight how nothing has changed. And I needed to direct it to the ways that things have changed. [00:07:50] Instead of focusing on how this is too much for me, I can't handle this because I feel like that's the reason so many of you overeat.

[00:07:58] Maggie: It's the reason why I overeat. [00:08:00] It was like, this is too much stimulation. This is too much stress. This is too much for me. I'm gonna eat. That'll make this feel better. [00:08:10] So focusing on how it's too much versus how things are okay. Things are working. Things are fine. I'm going to be okay. We're going to get through this.

[00:08:18] Maggie: Hi guys. I wanted to let you know real quick [00:08:20] about a free mini course that I just launched, and it is called diet rehab. If you are tired of dieting and can't seem to stick to anything longterm, And you're over that restrict and [00:08:30] overeat cycle, this course is going to help you get on the right path. It covers how to start making a plan in advance so that you can eat foods you love while honoring the commitments you made to yourself.[00:08:40]

[00:08:40] Maggie: It will help you start taking action toward the process I teach for weight loss and food freedom. Because you do not have to. Need to start another fad diet. All you do need to do is begin the process of learning how to [00:08:50] stop emotionally overeating. There is no magic in a special type of food or diet, but there is magic in listening to your body and solving the root problem of why you're overweight.

[00:08:59] Maggie: [00:09:00] The link is in the show notes, or you can go to the link in my bio on social media. I have other options here. I think we kind of pigeonhole ourselves when we're [00:09:10] like I, there's just nothing else I can do except eat. I am just gonna go get a snack. I'm just gonna eat another donut. I'm just going to eat.

[00:09:19] Maggie: [00:09:20] Versus, that's one option. What are all the other options that you have? How can you take some time to breathe? How can you take some time to ask for help, to ask for a break, to just have some alone time to [00:09:30] journal, to get your thoughts out on paper. Like there are hundreds of other options other than eating.

[00:09:35] Maggie: And sometimes, sometimes I, [00:09:40] I notice the lack of, of that. coping mechanism. Where I'm like, it, it would just be cool if instead of having to think about all this, I just ate. [00:09:50] But I know better now. Like, I know that that doesn't actually solve the problem and it has me feeling upset with myself and uncomfortable within my body, which I'm already feeling.

[00:09:58] Maggie: I'm already on high alert. [00:10:00] I'm already having a hard time relaxing. I'm already experiencing anxiety. I don't really want to add on top of that. But it is so amazing to realize how many other options there are [00:10:10] that actually move the emotion through you, that actually calm your system without using food to do that.

[00:10:17] Maggie: That is always an option, but I think as we [00:10:20] all get older we realize, ooh, I don't want that to be the only option. I don't want that to be my only skill when I'm overwhelmed, because then I feel trapped. Then I feel like I'm never going to be able to escape [00:10:30] this habit pattern of, I get stressed out and I eat.

[00:10:33] Maggie: I get overwhelmed and I eat. I feel my nervous system is activated, I am triggered, and I eat. [00:10:40] And the goal over time is just to do that less. Please don't put this pressure on yourself that I need to just stop this altogether. Like, [00:10:50] I need to never do it again. You will do it again. But the goal is that you do it less and less, and you start feeling like, Oh, my toolbox is a little bit bigger now.

[00:10:57] Maggie: I know that I can take a break. I know I've [00:11:00] tried enough things to know this is something that helps in this situation. I want to do some deep breathing when I'm feeling this way. I want to do some journaling when I'm feeling this way. I want [00:11:10] to walk on the treadmill when I'm feeling this way. I want to dance.

[00:11:14] Maggie: I want to just do these other things that help get all that stuck energy [00:11:20] either out of your brain or out of your body, because sometimes it can show up as overthinking, and other times it can just feel like this anxious energy in your body that you feel like you need to move, but you don't really know how to get it [00:11:30] out.

[00:11:30] Maggie: And so we eat and we're like, okay, I do feel a little bit calmer. Only now I overate. Only now my body doesn't feel great. So Your [00:11:40] brain is going to want to highlight how nothing has changed. That's what my brain did. Nothing has changed. And instead, I needed to direct it to the ways things have [00:11:50] changed.

[00:11:50] Maggie: And this is so applicable to weight loss, especially the way that I teach it. Everything is slow, so it can be sustainable. We take things slowly so [00:12:00] that it sticks. And you need to point your brain to the ways where no things have changed. And sometimes what I noticed last night as I was [00:12:10] kind of thinking about this podcast is like, when things change slowly over time, it's really hard to notice.

[00:12:16] Maggie: When Ryan and I used to go on trips, even just the two of us, they looked [00:12:20] different. And I'm not gonna get into the ways that they looked different, but they looked different than the way that they look now, and I'm so grateful for that, but I noticed that as we've traveled more, as I've, you know, gotten [00:12:30] myself out of those routines, as I've been kind of forced to sit with that restlessness, because that is what happens.

[00:12:35] Maggie: I noticed my kids are with grandma for a couple days, they're coming back today. [00:12:40] And I noticed that when they were here, I was constantly moving, and I was constantly doing stuff. And it's like, okay, you need to get your clothes on, you need to take a bath, you need to get your bathing suit, you need to, [00:12:50] and you're constantly moving.

[00:12:51] Maggie: Whereas when it's just Ryan and I, there's a lot of restlessness. And that restlessness used to be taken up with eating. The excitement we were seeking used [00:13:00] to be taken up with eating. The dopamine hits used to be taken up with eating. It's like, what are we going to eat? What are we going to eat? What are we going to eat?

[00:13:06] Maggie: To the point that when it was time to even have a meal, we weren't even [00:13:10] hungry. And so when things change slowly over time, it's hard to notice what has changed. You really have to point your brain to look at it, and that's the same thing when your brain is like, [00:13:20] this isn't working. I'm not losing weight.

[00:13:22] Maggie: A lot of the time, I'll hear that from people, and I'll be like, okay, so what you're telling me is you haven't lost any weight. And they're like, well, I have lost five pounds, but it's like their [00:13:30] brain won't even let them see progress that has been made because their weight has been at a certain place for two months.

[00:13:37] Maggie: And so they're like, nothing has happened. [00:13:40] Versus you have to notice what are the small things that have changed? How am I feeling more peace? How am I feeling less drama? How am I talking to myself in a different way? How am I showing up [00:13:50] more confident? How does this look different than the way that it used to look?

[00:13:54] Maggie: Because if we can't notice that, if we can't notice it and appreciate it and acknowledge it, you're [00:14:00] always going to be chasing a moving goalpost. You're never going to ever get there because there will always be elusive to you. It'll always be getting moved out farther and farther. [00:14:10] Until you realize you're just, you're chasing nothing.

[00:14:13] Maggie: So you have to focus on how things are working versus how it's too much. I, I know with the moms that I coach, [00:14:20] you have to focus on the calm versus the chaos. Look for ways things are calmer now than they used to. Look for ways things used to feel chaotic and now they feel peaceful. [00:14:30] That's what I had to do the other day as I, I'm lucky to have a partner like Ryan and the way I'm able to be honest with him and tell him the truth of how I'm feeling and tell him when I'm overwhelmed as if he [00:14:40] can't pick it up from my body language, but.

[00:14:42] Maggie: I told him, yes, my brain is freaking out, things feel chaotic in my mind, but when I look around right now, [00:14:50] I see that everything's okay. It's not constant chaos, it's not crazy all the time, it's fine right now. And if I don't look for the calm, I'm only going [00:15:00] to notice the chaos. That's like my brain's job is to look for, look for danger, look for threat, even though when I look around we're completely safe.

[00:15:07] Maggie: My body doesn't believe that, and that's based [00:15:10] on the history of my nervous system and that hyperactivation, but when I can be present and look around, I can see the way things are different. I [00:15:20] can see the way things are okay, the way that I'm at peace, because if I only focus on the chaos, I'm going to be more drawn to overeat to solve that.

[00:15:28] Maggie: I've just spent a good amount of time [00:15:30] focusing on how this is a different experience and that's what I encourage you to do. If you listen to this podcast, if you're one of my clients, if you are really trying to create a new relationship with food, a new [00:15:40] relationship with your weight, with the scale, with sugar, with carbs, I, you have, you're going to have to point your brain to look at it on purpose because we really do see what we look for [00:15:50] and Your brain is going to be looking for the holes, still.

[00:15:54] Maggie: It's going to be looking for the problems, and it's going to be looking for the things that aren't changing, [00:16:00] and completely ignoring the things that are completely different. The experience that's different, the conversation that's different, the [00:16:10] peace that exists now that just wasn't there before. So I'm hoping that this podcast will be helpful if you struggle with, um, the things that You know, if you struggle with [00:16:20] an anxious nervous system like mine, or if you just have these times in your life where you feel like things get too much for your system, [00:16:30] and the way that you solve that is by overeating, or is by binge eating.

[00:16:36] Maggie: You may want to look into nervous system regulating [00:16:40] techniques. You may want to figure out ways that you can process your emotions or deal with your emotions, cope with your emotions, without turning to food as much [00:16:50] as you used to in the past. Again, we're not trying to eliminate it, but this is such an amazing skill to have.

[00:16:57] Maggie: And it can be challenging, because when you remove [00:17:00] the thing that you used to deal with the discomfort, Unfortunately, you're left with the discomfort, but also fortunately, because I want to see what is it? What is it that we're dealing with? Is it restlessness? Is it [00:17:10] overwhelm? Is it, you know, hopelessness?

[00:17:13] Maggie: Is it what, what emotion are we dealing with here? I want to see that so that I can get to work figuring out what tools are going to work for [00:17:20] which situation. And it's very rewarding to be able to look around and be like, no, this is different. You're okay. Things are okay. Things are going to be [00:17:30] fine. Even when your system is screaming danger, danger, danger, abort mission, go home, never leave your house again.

[00:17:36] Maggie: It's like, such, it's just like, stay in [00:17:40] the cave. It's safer in the cave. Why would I leave the cave if I have, you know, YouTube TV in the cave? We're so safe at home. We've got everything that we [00:17:50] need. That's what my system tells me. Stay at home. Stay safe. Don't leave. Don't put yourself in harm's way, and if you're going to stop [00:18:00] overeating when you're overwhelmed, you have to start looking for ways to create that safety in your body, and that safety when you're eating, and that safety when you're having foods that maybe [00:18:10] in the past have triggered you.

[00:18:12] Maggie: You have to start showing your body, We're okay. We're safe. Nobody is going to take this away from you. There is no threat here. The kids [00:18:20] will sleep. My boss will be in a better mood at some point. My spouse will, you know, whatever. This is not forever. [00:18:30] This is not something we have to eat over. And at the end of the day, eating is not actually going to help the long term issues that we have.

[00:18:39] Maggie: With this. [00:18:40] Become a better person. Coper. You know, become someone who's better at coping with the stresses of life because the stresses of life [00:18:50] don't go away. We have to come up with better ways to cope with it. So, I hope this was helpful and we will talk to you next week. Bye everyone. If you've been trying to lose weight but haven't found a way of eating that you can [00:19:00] stick to, You've got to join Vibe Club.

[00:19:02] Maggie: It's my monthly coaching program where I teach you how to lose weight in a way that you actually enjoy so you can stop obsessing over food and your weight forever. No matter [00:19:10] how busy or stressed you are, even if you feel like now is not the time to lose weight, Vibe Club is for you. All materials and call recordings are stored on the member website.

[00:19:17] Maggie: We even have a members only podcast so you [00:19:20] can listen to everything on the go. Go to VibeWithMaggie. com to learn more.

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